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I just spoke with “Dancing with the Stars” contender and ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews and complimented her on the blonde wig she wore last night to perform the theme from “Pulp Fiction” with partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

But there was high drama backstage right before the show and it all centered on the Uma Thurman black wig that Andrews had been wearing all day.  She said she doesn’t let the hair people put anything in her tresses. No ornaments for Erin, so the costuming effect was a big deal.

“It took a lot to get me in a wig,” she told me.  “I’m really not daring, and last night was out-of-the-box. But I was wearing it all day, and Maksim came in to see me and I started blushing. By later in the day, I was really used to it.”

Shortly before air, a huge drama unfolded.  It was determined that having Erin wear the black wig was copyright infringement of the iconic Quentin Tarantino film. So she had to go from being a brunette to dancing as a platinum blonde that you saw in the show.

“They were practically pulling my hair out at the last minute,” she said.  “The studio felt really bad about it.”

Just in the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen a lot of law enforcement response to seemingly minor vehicular crimes.

Approaching the intersection of Santa Monica Boulevard in San Vicente in West Hollywood, I saw major LA County Sheriff’s Department squad car activity and one officer suddenly closed down Santa Monica in one direction. Kind of scary, and half expecting to hear gunshots break out at any moment, I quickly made a detour.

After parking on a nearby side street, I approached my destination on foot and saw the officers searching a parked car. The trunk looked like it was girls stuff– workout gear, etc.

Once inside I found out that it was simply a stolen car that had been reported. Hmmm. Why would so many officers respond– about, literally, 10 squad cars? On the other hand, if my car was stolen, I would want some heavy-duty response as well. Still, it seemed very strange.

A couple days later, I was walking out of a Whole Foods in Santa Monica. The parking lot was suddenly filled with SMPD officers, about six squad cars. One of them was blocking my vehicle. So I asked what was going on. Apparently, someone’s car had been hit in the parking lot– a hit-and-run with minor damage. Again, why the heavy police response? Don’t these officers have anything better to do?

I think the answer is, if you live in a rich, white neighborhood, you get the police response—and more– that your taxes pay for. If you happen to live in a more marginal area, maybe not so much. And in hotbed areas of crime like South Central, I seriously doubt you would get nearly the level of police response to reports of a stolen car or a minor parking lot fender bender—if you get any at all.

Where was Kanye West when you needed him?  Perhaps he could have mitigated some of the Taylor-phoria at the 52nd annual Grammy Awards, which many people are complaining was more like the Country Music Awards, what with the Zac Brown Brand (who?) winning for best new artist.

Ricky Martin—did you get the heat you asked for twice?

Kaley Cuoco—was your dress on backwards?

Bon Jovi—why did the fan-chosen “Living on a Prayer” only run about 1:30? Always leave them wanting more, I guess.

Beyonce—did you really grab your crotch?

Whichever Jonas brother—do glasses make you look more mature? It kinda worked.

Lionel Richie—can you read the teleprompter a little more smoothly or memorize your intro better? It distracted from the significance of what you were saying.

Kings of Leon—maybe not so many shots before the show next time. This isn’t the Golden Globes.

The record books are re-arranging the rankings, moving “Gunsmoke” down a notch and elevating “The Simpsons.”

Yes, Sunday night at 8 p.m. marks a special moment in television history: “The Simpsons” will officially celebrate its 20th anniversary, becoming the longest-running scripted primetime show ever.

Many people may not recall that the animated yellow family made its debut as interstitials on Fox’s “The Tracey Ullman Show” in 1989. The series itself premiered on the fledgling Fox network in January 1990, thanks to Barry Diller’s foresight and green light.

Not only did the show become a runaway hit, but creator Matt Groening’s crudely drawn Simpson family — dad Homer, mom Marge, kids Bart and Lisa and baby Maggie — almost instantly became pop culture icons.

In addition to the anniversary episode, viewers will get an extra treat Sunday night at 8:30 p.m.: an original hour-long documentary directed by Morgan Spurlock called “The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special in 3-D on Ice.”

It’s not in 3-D and it’s not on ice, but Spurlock (of “Super Size Me” fame) and his crew traveled around the world to shoot it, exploring the international love affair with all things Simpson. “There’s a whole brand new audience,” the director told me. “It’s become multigenerational. We wouldn’t have had other animated shows on primetime if not for ‘The Simpsons.’ They’ve really changed the game.”

(You can check out a preview clip and hear the amusing “Homer Simpson Mr. Plow Theme Song” created by Moby here.)

Alongside the series, “The Simpsons” is an incredibly profitable business enterprise all to itself, raking in millions of dollars from licensing and merchandising.

If you didn’t ever have a Bart T-shirt or know someone who did, you must have been under a rock these past two decades.

And don’t forget the movie, the ride, the DVDs, the Stephen Hawking toy, the games, the U.S. postage stamps—and Marge’s Playboy cover last November to promote the cleverly-named episode “The Devil Wears Nada.”

D’oh. Congratulations, Simpsons enterprise, and may you have many more seasons of bringing the funny.

Still pondering the surprising news that the Emmys could be in for some competition—and after the initial knee-jerk reaction of “Oh, great, another awards show,” coming around to the notion that it’s probably a good idea. The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences is one of the few award-granting entities that have an open field with no other awards competition anywhere near its time slot. The show has been airing in recent years anywhere from late August to late September, making it the first major kudo-fest of the season—by a long shot—and the only one to occur in summer.  It’s invariably 90+ degrees at Emmy time, and the red carpet is full of cocktail-length dresses—and sweat stains.   But the hottest accessory is taking home a golden statuette, and without a doubt, the Emmys are definitely the king of the castle in TV-land.  There can be no other true contender, just as Oscar has no peer, only prestigious friends like the various guilds and critics’ circles awards—and its rowdy cousin, the Golden Globes, with its mix of television and film prizes, part of what makes it so much fun. Word is the Paley Center, formerly the Museum of Television and Radio, is thinking about handing out its own awards in what a spokesperson said would be a more fun environment, like the Globes, which has been known for some boozy unscripted moments that have gone down in television lore.   Sony Pictures Television president Steve Mosko, who formerly ran the ATAS Foundation, is leading the charge. “We’re in very exploratory stages of setting up awards for excellence on TV, called The Paley Awards,” a Paley Center spokeswoman told The New York Post. “We’re not envisioning it as competition for any other existing awards. That’s not part of our agenda.”  Notwithstanding the prestige level of the Paley Center, which puts on various television festivals and events featuring top shows and broadcast and cable movers and shakers at locations in New York and Los Angeles, there’s an indication that there would be a bit of a People’s Choice element to the awards show, along with an industry insider component. Any one of a number of hosting candidates—Jon Stewart, Ellen DeGeneres, Steven Colbert and gulp, David Letterman, could be a fit. And if Ricky Gervais knocks it out of the park when he hosts the upcoming Globes, he could soon have another gig lined up.
 

Just about when I got done chuckling about “Saturday Night Live’s” opening sketch spoofing the Salahis continually interrupting a presidential speech to take even more photos of themselves, a mini controversy breaks out on the heels of a major scandal.

Seems that some people are offended by the sketch depicting Tiger Woods holding a series of news conferences, while his wife, Elin Nordegren, looks on (click here to see it). A caricature Wolf Blitzer on CNN keeps tossing back to the scene as Tiger, channeled by Keenan Thompson, gets continually hospitalized and increasingly more injured and ends up with a golf club around his head and holding up papers saying “I’m scared,” “she is strong.” and “help me.” “SNL” host Blake Lively plays Nordegren.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is not laughing, and its executive director said the show made a mockery of abuse, and that she hopes “SNL” refrains from using this kind of skit in the future, because it diminishes people’s support for victims of domestic violence. Um, probably not so much. ?

Others have complained that the subject matter should have been off limits because that night’s musical guest was Rihanna, who suffered severe physical abuse early this year at the hands of her ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown.

These viewpoints mirror a disturbing trend on television towards skewed political correctness and attempts at censorship. A recent case in point: the CBS “Early Show” digitizing the video of Adam Lambert kissing a male bandmate during his grantedly controversial AMA performance as if it was some kind of porn –while in the next moment running the 2003 girl-on-girl kiss between Madonna and Britney Spears.

While CBS may worry about offending its early morning audience, here’s a news flash: “SNL” is a late-night comedy show.

Does it need to be tasteful? Absolutely not. Does it strive to be funny? Of course. Should it tailor its humor so as not to potentially offend the night’s musical guest? No. Are some people going to be rubbed the wrong way by its skits or impersonations? Sure. Those people are not “SNL’s” target audience.

For those watching or not, in all likelihood, no one is actually in favor of minimizing the tragedy of domestic violence–except those who perpetrate it. No sane person would find anything about physical abuse remotely amusing.

Instead of what some have interpreted as making fun of victims of domestic violence, the Tiger Woods sketch could be read as being about a man who had been caught cheating on his justifiably angry wife, and his lame attempts to make amends. And this was even before tabloid news broke of even more women who claimed to have had affairs with the mega-millionaire golfer. He’s in much hotter water now.

In addition to all the late-night ribbing, it’s easy to predict another hysterical “SNL” sketch as long as the Tiger Woods story is big news. The Salahis probably aren’t going away for awhile, either.

Thanks, Lorne and cast. This season couldn’t possibly top last year’s biting campaign brilliance. But the laughs do keep on coming.

On a night when many people were consumed with the tabloid-y coverage of the Tiger Woods infidelity scandal, it was a pleasure to honor authors, artists and writers whose work often represents the antithesis of the low road.

PEN USA, an organization dedicated to promoting excellence in writing across all media, handed out its 19th annual awards at the Beverly Hills Hotel Wednesday night.HBO’s beloved defender of the documentary, Sheila Nevins, and Emmy award-winning filmmaker Liz Garbus were handed PEN’s First Amendment Award for HBO’s “Shouting Fire: Stories from the Edge of Free Speech.”         Garbus teamed with her father, noted First Amendment attorney Martin Garbus to examine cases of infringement of free speech, including the case of Colorado professor Ward Churchill, who made some–shall we say–unpopular statements after 9/11 by blaming the 2001 terrorist attacks on US foreign policy.  He was dismissed from his job but later won an appeal of wrongful termination.

On the whole, the doc looks at the balancing act between protecting civil liberties and national security in a post-9/11 world, and asks whether all speech is equally “protected.” Screenwriter Dustin Lance Black won a PEN for his screenplay of “Milk,” and favorite Los Angeles Times columnist Steve Lopez took home a glass trophy for his book “The Soloist,” upon which the recent film was made. In accepting the award, Lopez revealed he is still actively involved with the soloist, formerly homeless musician William Ayres, who will be releasing a CD soon—with Lopez’s help.     Legendary crime writer Elmore Leonard, author of such acclaimed works as “Get Shorty,” “Out of Sight” and “Jackie Brown,” accepted the lifetime achievement award from equally legendary film producer Walter Mirisch, and later signed copies of his short, sweet and to-the-point book, “Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing.” It contains these duly-noted lessons to write by: Keep your exclamation points under control. Avoid prologues. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things. Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose.” But Mr. Leonard, how else could you describe what just happened to Tiger Woods?

The plot thickens in the case of Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the now infamous White House state dinner party crashers who made their first television appearance on “The Today Show” Tuesday morning.

The Salahis, a social-climbing couple who reportedly are having serious financial difficulties, told Matt Lauer they were not getting paid for their appearance—after the Associated Press reported they were asking for six-figure deals for an interview.  

They abruptly cancelled an appearance on “Larry King Live,” and there’s speculation that a Bravo contract they signed restricted them to NBC—hence the Lauer interview.

Media whores, shameless fame-seekers. Whatever you want to call them, the Salahis have achieved their goal of attracting worldwide attention for their stunt, which called into serious question the Secret Service’s ability to protect the leader of the free world and other national and world leaders from harm.Yet during the interview, they blamed the media for ruining their lives. “Our lives have been destroyed, everything we’ve worked for, Matt,” Michaele Salahi said. “For me, 44 years, just destroyed.” Her husband declared: “This has been the most devastating thing that’s ever happened to us. We’re greatly saddened by all the circumstances that have been involved in portraying my wife and I as party crashers. I can tell you we did not party crash the White House.”

The White House insists they did, leaving many questions on the table, beginning with exactly how the couple was able to obtain access to the event honoring India’s prime minister without being on the guest list. Tall blonde in a see-through sari, anyone?

Normally, a member of the White House social office would be present to oversee the first guest check point, but somehow, reversing protocol, that did not happen. So the Salahis are under investigation for lying to a federal official to get into the dinner. Even before the “Today” spot, they claim they were invited, at least to the cocktail portion of the evening, via a connection with a Pentagon official who has denied their claim, saying she told them they should not come to the event.

In a statement released by the White House, Michele S. Jones, special assistant to the Secretary of Defense said: “I specifically stated that they did not have tickets and in fact that I did not have the authority to authorize attendance, admittance or access to any part of the evening’s activities. Even though I informed them of this, they still decided to come.”

Here’s what the Salahis have been official invited to: the House Homeland Security Committee’s hearing Thursday about the incident. So has the Secret Service. The couple says they have already turned over documentation that they were in fact, invited to the dinner.

They’re also denying reports that they recently crashed another high-profile DC event, the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation Awards dinner on Sept. 26 at which Obama spoke—and from which they were apparently kicked out after they sat at a table reserved for donors. The Salahis attribute that account to a gossip column.    In their quest to become cast members of Bravo’s “Real Housewives of D.C.,” cameras filmed their preparations for their big night on the town—where they photogenically glad-handed the likes of Rahm Emanuel, Joe Biden, DC mayor Adrian Fenty, Katie Couric, Robin Roberts and the president himself. Yikes.  Within hours, Michaele posted photos on her Facebook account, most showing her closely wrapped around the men she posed with. She initially spelled Emanuel’s first name as “Ron,” before being corrected, and referred to the US White House. There are nearly 2,000 comments, mostly from haters.

Shameless self-promotion is a way of life in Hollywood, and in DC, as is crashing high-profile events, but these wannabes have taken it to a new low. Unless, of course, they somehow prove their case.

If not, it would be a crying shame if Bravo bought into the Sleazys, oops, the Salahis’ game and furthered their ill-gotten “fame,” but it looks like the cabler won’t be able to resist—as the smart money says they’re a lock for “Real Housewives.”